I wake up all groggy and bleary eyed. I roll over and check my clock: 6 am. I notice that I forgot to turn on my alarm the previous night. I reach over and turn it on. I don't know why I bother. It would go off in just fifteen minutes anyways. I should just get up, but I don't. I notice that Jamie isn't in bed next to me. This isn't uncommon recently. She's been getting up randomly at different points through the night for the past few days.
Jamie must have heard me stirring. She strolls into the room and nonchalantly says "I don't think you're going into work today!"
I lay there for a second, slowly processing what this actually means. I don't have to go to work, but it means something more. It means something big is happening, something that we've been waiting for. Yes, we've been waiting 9 months for this day to arrive, and now it finally has arrived whether we are ready or not.
I slide myself out of bed, get dressed, and stumble my way into the bathroom. I put in my contacts, then stare at myself in the mirror for a little bit. I'm still trying to process all the meaning of what Jamie said. I don't have to go to work, but at the end of this day my life will never be the same. At the end of this day, there will be another person to take care of.
My brain is starting to process things faster now. The morning fog has lifted. I go into the kitchen to check on Jamie. She seems to be doing surprisingly well. She's having contractions, real contractions. But they are still far apart and not that strong, or at least not as strong as they will be. At this point, there is not much for me to do, so I go and eat some breakfast. As I sit there, my mind wanders. When will she get here? What will she look like?
I hear a faint cry in the other room. Jonah is awake. I go to get him out of his crib and am greeted with a chipper "Hello!" We go to the kitchen and get him some breakfast too. Jamie calls her mom and lets her know whats up. She will be taking Jonah for the day so we don't have to worry about him during the birth. As Jonah eats, I mechanically go around the house gathering the last minute odds and ends Jonah will need. Blanky check! Owl Check! Overnight bag Check! Before we know it, Jamie's mom arrives to pick up Jonah. She too is obviously excited. After a few encouraging words, she takes off.
Jamie's contractions are getting closer together now and stronger too. I do what I can. I rub her back; I squeeze her hips, all the crap they tell you to do during the birthing classes. Based on Jamie's reactions, I don't think it helps at all. Still, Jamie's spirits seem high. She's walking around and fairly happy.
At this point Jamie checks in with the midwife to let her know how things are progressing. This was around 7:30am. Based on what Jamie tells her, she says that she will check back in an hour to see what further progress has been made. She suggests a hot shower to help Jamie try to relax.
I hear the water running as Jamie hops into the shower. Again at this point, there is not much for me to do. So I go to the computer and shoot a quick email to my boss letting him know I won't be coming into work this morning. I also get a hold of my mom letting her know that her grand-daughter is coming today. I start getting the bedroom ready for the home birth.
I hear the water stop, so I walk to the bathroom to check on Jamie. I don't think the shower really helped her. The contractions seem to be getting stronger. It's so hard to watch some one you care about be in pain, especially when you are helpless to do anything about it. Again, I try all the stuff they tell you to do in the birthing classes. I rub her back; I squeeze her hips. Again, I don't think any of it helps. Eventually, the contractions get so strong that Jamie feels like she can't stand through them anymore. So she lays down on the bed.
The next series of contractions must have been even stronger, and it seemed like there was no break between them. I have Jamie squeeze my hand as hard as she can during the contractions. She squeezes to the point that my hand hurts, but it can't even begin to compare to what she is going through. I try to whisper encouragements in her ear. We say a quiet prayer together.
At what must have been the height of Jamie's contractions, she remembers that she was supposed to meet with someone that morning. So she begins texting them letting them know that she won't be able to make it because she is in labor. Her text gets interrupted by the flurries of pain, but she somehow manages to finish her message in between contractions.
All this time, I was watching the clock, just waiting for 8:30 when the midwife was going to call us again. We make it 8:26, and Jamie decides to give a call. Obviously things are progressing along, so the midwife starts making the drive to our house from Grand Rapids, which at best is 35 minutes away. Though, Jamie's water hasn't broken yet. Based on Jonah's birth, we'd still have like 4 hours till the baby would be born.
No sooner than the thought crosses my mind, Jamie shouts out "I think my water just broke." So we call the midwife back and let her know. She encourages Jamie to lay on her left side to help slow things down. Jamie's response "I'M ALREADY ON MY LEFT SIDE!" The midwife has me describe what I'm seeing. Looking between Jamie's legs, I see things, things I didn't really want to see. I do my best to describe it, but I had to look away. I was starting to feel queazy and a touch light headed. I go stand by Jamie's head and take a few deep breaths. I let the midwife go; she was only just getting on the highway.
Back by Jamie's head, I try to coach her through the next few contractions. Things were getting really intense. Jamie was crying with pain. She couldn't take much more. She cries out "Josh, I feel like I gotta push. You need to call the midwife again." So I get the midwife on the phone. She tells Jamie to let her body do the pushing. And she says the words that I was afraid of, that she probably won't get here in time. She was only by Hudsonville. "Do I need to call someone!" I ask. The fire station was only a mile or two away. First responders could be here in a few minutes. "No" she responds "You'll be fine." My mind races. Fine? How will I be fine? Why did I agree to do a home birth anyways?
"Can you see the head?' she asks. I look. No, I can't see the head. That does not last long. It is maybe two contractions before the baby starts to crown. "I can see the head!" I yell. That's good, it means that she isn't breach. Two more contractions and her head is fully out. The midwife has me describe what I'm seeing. The baby is face down. Her face is dark red, almost purple in color. She isn't making any noise. With her head fully out, shouldn't she be screaming or something?
Between Jamie's shrieks and a staticky cell connection, I was having a hard time hearing the midwife's instructions. What was that? Something about the cord. "You need to take your finders and feel around neck to see if the cord is wrapped around it. If it is, you need to pull it over her head" Well that is a terrifying thing to hear. I take my fingers and feel around. There is something there. Yes, there is definitely something there. The cord is wrapped around her neck. Quick prayers race through my head. "Please let my baby be born healthy! Lord, Please let me be able to get this cord from around her neck!" I grab the cord and start pulling it over her head. I really have no idea what I'm doing. For all I know I could be wrapping it around tighter making everything worse. At about her forehead the cord gets stuck. I get a better grip on it and pull. It is tough but it has some give like a bungee cord. Finally, the cord comes over her head. I didn't realize it, but I was holding my breath. I finally start breathing again.
Time seems to slow. After a few more pushes, her body comes out. It's 8:52 am.
I take her and place her on Jamie's chest. I grab a towel and wrap it over her. The midwife has me describe what I'm seeing again. She's reddish/pink. She's not making a lot of noise. The midwife has us rub her with the blanket. We hear a few squeaks and sputters and she is becoming more pink. It looks like everything is good.
"What's her name?" the midwife asks.
I look at Jamie with a smile. We've been waiting a long time to finally say her name.
"Sadie Alivia" I respond.
I hand off the phone to Jamie, who is elated to have finally met her baby. We keep the midwife on the phone for a while longer. She was still about 15 minutes out when our baby girl was born. We waited until the midwife arrived to take care of everything else, like cutting the cord and cleaning everything up. We take a few pictures and enjoy our first few moments as a family.
When the midwife arrives, she tells us congratulations and tells me good job. I hear her but don't really respond. I stare off somewhat blankly. The weight of what just happened comes crashing down on me. Did I really just deliver a baby, my baby?
I leave the room for a minute and go into the kitchen. I lean up against the counter, my legs feel like they might give out. My shoulders and arms are shaking. After taking a few moments to compose myself, I go back to the room with Jamie and Sadie. We sit on the bed together and enjoy the new member of our family.
Years from now, the details of this day may haze with time. That's why I'm taking the time to record it. Someday I can share the details with my daughter of how she was born and how her dad helped out.
Sadie Alivia
May 28, 2014
8:52 am
8 pounds
20 and 1/4 inches long
